Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Lord Sayeth WHAT??

I happened to be watching the news the other morning, and saw a video clip about a new translation of the Bible. Apparently, some people are upset that there is any other translation other than the King James version, with all the "thee's, thou's, and that sort of thing. I would contend that if you're going to read something like that, it should be in modern language to keep you at least semi-interested in what you are reading
After all, when you are sitting in a restaurant, does the waitress ask "wouldst thou like another Diet Coke?" Of course not! The "Kings English" is ancient history anymore, and language has evolved considerably since the days of yore.

The problem with today's English, is that there are now several "versions" of it. There is the language most of us speak, and "Ebonics", spoken by many blacks. Ebonics is a more colorful way of speaking, and usually more profane than everyday English.

So, my question is: When will they translate the Bible into Ebonics? It might take a while, due to the changes in some of the phrases from time to time, but it would be an interesting endeavor. To test this theory, I have translated an old Bible story about Moses and the burning bush. It goes as follows:

Da Book ob Cleophus, Chapter sebben, verse foty sebben

Moses be stylin' through de desert on foot, because his Broham done got jacked. De sun be shinin' down on him, and he be jonesin' fo a foty or two to cool his ass down. All of a sudden, he done sees a burnin' bush in front ob he ass. He be fussin' ober dat bush when a loud voice be callin' he name.

Lord: "Moses, wat up dawg? Don't be no pussy, walk through dat bush!
Moses: "Who dat??"
Lord: "It am me, dawg, I da Lord!
Moses: "Is you shittin' me dog, 'cuz if you is, I'll pop a cap in yer ass"
Lord: "No dawg, it be me, now come on and walk through dat fire!"
Moses: "So you really da big pimp?"
Lord: "I'm sayin"!
Moses: "No shit?"
Lord "I da man, dawg!" "I gotcho ass, dawg, do it"
Moses: "Dat fire hotter dan a five dolla ho!"
Lord: "C'mon, dawg, I ain't got all day, Soul Train be on soon"
Moses: "Okay, if you da big pimp, den you don't be shittin, so here I goes"!

Moses be wakin' thu da fire, and burn he feet to shit.....

Moses: "Damn, Big Pimp, you wuz jivin' me! Now I gotta jack me anudder car, 'cuz I sho can't walk nowhere!"
Lord: "Fool, you da third one I done got today!!"

So you see, Bible translation can be done in Ebonics as well, and quite colorfully at that. I would bet that old King James would love it!