Saturday, February 11, 2012

The Final Countdown

We humans are a pretty gullible bunch of people.  We tend to believe myths, stories, and legends like they were real.  Lately, the world has been inundated by prophesies that the world will be ending in December of this year.  From killer comets, to old JC himself making a return visit, the airwaves are abuzz with talk of the end if the world.

Some time back, explorers stumbled across an ancient Mayan stone carving.  They somehow decided it was a calendar, and followed its carvings to a date this December.  After that, there is nothing else.  I have to wonder just how a people who couldn't sustain their own existence, could plan that far into the future.  After all, there sure aren't any Mayans hanging around to ask.  Yet people believe this, to a point.  While there isn't a rush to buy expensive items and not pay for them yet, people tend to put some faith in this theory.  In 2011, we had a California preacher who literally predicted the exact date and  time the world would end.  His followers sold, or gave away all their earthly possessions and traveled the country promoting this idea.  Of course, it failed to happen, and the so called apostles of this nut had to go out and find jobs and start over.  Then the good preacher made up another date and time, which also didn't pan out.  
All the non-Mayan theories  revolve around the idea that the lord will return to earth, and kick the crap out of it  Where the heck he's been for over 2000 years never gets mentioned.  Was he on Mars, or Uranus?  

First off, why in the hell would he come back after what happened to him the first time he was allegedly here.  The story of his death was not a pretty one, given all the good deeds he did for people back then.  It was truly a case of them biting the hand of the one that fed them!

With all the Christian hate spewing believers out there this election year, the second coming has been overshadowed.  They continue to bash President Obama every chance they get, while spouting the 10 suggestions, and holding their guns closer than their bibles.  Obviously, hypocrisy is paramount to their so called "faith".

But what if; what if JC was actually here, and living in the US?  What if people around the world saw him on TV, and the internet, and didn't realize just who they were seeing?  

Let's do a scientific study:
JC was bound and determined to help the sick and feed the hungry.
JC had compassion for those that were different than him.
JC didn't have much use for wealthy bankers.
JC was not a Caucasian guy with a beard and long hair, he was more likely of Arabic, or African descent.

Comparing the facts from then and now, we must conclude that if the lord is here, then he must be President Obama!  
After all, isn't a national healthcare plan the "Christian" thing to do?  Aren't programs aimed at helping the poor and feeding the children much like what went on 2000 years ago?

Just to be on the safe side, I'm voting for President Obama for a second term.  While he's not 5' 9", (he's actually 6' 1" ) we'll be given at least another four years on earth if he wins, and perhaps more if we help him get things done.  Not to mention, we can laugh at the Mayans and evangelicals some more, and as we all know, laughter is good for us!

Monday, February 6, 2012

War's a'coming...

I have been watching with pleasure, the latest battle between Chevrolet and Ford over just which company has the best, most reliable trucks.  This "war" has been going on since I was young, and shows no signs of stopping any time soon.  My earliest childhood memories were about which brand was the best.  In grade school, we sang the "Battle Hymn of the Republic" with the words:  "Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the lord, he is driving down the mountain in a '57 Ford".  We held those truths to be self-evident.  Of course most of us also believed that the initials FORD meant "Found on Road Dead", or "Fix or Repair Daily".  The banter back and forth was good for numerous conversations over the years.  Then one day the song "American Pie" burst into our lives.  The most blatant line was "I Drove my Chevy to the Levee".  Not, "I drove my Ford to the Fjord"!  It appeared that Chevrolet was fast becoming the symbol of America.  Ford was just another brand , while we sang about "Baseball, Hot Dogs, Apple Pie, and Chevrolet".  The flag was flying, and the colors were Chevy red, white and blue!

Of course, the battle never ended, and both sides would go on to boast about who had the most registered trucks on the road, or whose trucks were still running after years of use.  It appeared to be a semi-friendly battle up until Ford's VP of marketing, Jim Farley, uttered the now-famous words "F*ck GM!  I hate those guys, I hate what they stand for."  Not exactly kind words for a competitor.  Those comments were swept under the rug, and things went on as normal until Chevrolet introduced it's Super Bowl commercial this year.  The ad shows a post-apocalyptic view of an American city.  A fluttering newspaper's headline proclaims "Mayan 2012 Apocalypse", and the scene is of utter destruction.  And then, the camera pans to a pile of rubble, an engine starts, and a Chevrolet truck drives out.  A man and his dog are seemingly unhurt, as they make their way through the devastation.  Finally, they reach an area where there are more Chevrolet trucks gathered.  The driver gets out, and asks "Where's Dave?"  A man replies that Dave didn't drive the most dependable, longest lasting truck, "He drove a Ford"!  The commercial ends with the line: "From the start of your day, to the end of the world, Chevy runs deep!"

Ford's lawyers blew a gasket over this one!  They sent cease and desist letters to not only General Motors, but also to NBC who broadcast the show.  Ford was mad as hell!
So now we must wait for Ford's response to this jab.  What will they do to counter punch?  Will they make their claims even nastier?  All I know is that a little competition makes life interesting, and products better.  I can't wait for Ford's next salvo, and Chevy's after that!  

I suppose it would be unfair to choose sides, but then I did drive my Chevy to the levee, and all over hell's half acre to boot, and it's still running strong.  How about that, Ford?

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Reach For It!

Lately, I've been noticing a lot of comments on social networking sites by people who are gun owners.  They trumpet all the things that their state's concealed carry laws would allow them to do, if the need aroseThe really odd thing is that they speak of their guns as if they were a spouse or something.  It's almost like handguns are the new mistress in their lives!  Women too, love their guns, and tend to collect hundreds of rounds of ammunition for them.  These modern day gunslingers won't go anywhere without their weapons.  In fact there was an article in the news last month about the husband and wife in Colorado who are suing the Postal Service for prohibiting firearms on Postal Property.  They claim they should be allowed to bring their guns in when they pick up their mail!  WTF??  Our generation grew up watching Westerns on TV.  Hopalong Cassidy, the Lone Ranger, and Gunsmoke all featured pistol packing characters, who were quick on the draw, and quicker still on the trigger.  Most of us had cap guns to play with as children, and would try and emulate Marshall Dillon, or Ben Cartwright with our slightly slower draw.

I find it interesting that these concealed carry advocates remind me so much of some of the neighborhood kids I grew up with.  They were seldom seen without their trusty sidearm.   They fancied themselves as the next Marshall Dillon, tho they really didn't want to uphold the law, they wanted to impress everyone with their guns.  I have a feeling that these kids grew up to become the concealed carry movement.  They have their guns hidden where, after a short time, they can find them and use them.  My take is that if a person points a gun at you and pulls the trigger, you hardly have time to watch your life pass in front of your eyes, much less draw your gun.  Or better yet, if you see a robber holding up a citizen in a back ally somewhere, pull you trusty pistol and shoot him, you're not a hero, you are a murderer!  There is no reason to parade around with a hidden gun.  If you feel the need to have one, keep it at home.  The police force was hired, (and trained) to uphold the law.  They are the ones here to protect us.  They alone have the training, the knowledge, and experience to stop crime.
If I had my way, people would not be able to conceal pistols on their person, only shotguns.  That way, the surrounding population would know who is armed, and who to stay away from.  A concealed shotgun down a person's trouser leg would send a clear message that a gun is present, and that at any moment, the man, (or woman)  reach down to scratch themselves, and shoot their foot!

The Lone Ranger was a myth, and the "Wild West" has faded into history.  I guess some just won't let that idea go away.  Some want to relive their childhood and still play with guns.  Sadly, they aren't using caps, but live, lethal, ammunition!