Tuesday, September 21, 2010

"Hava Cuppa Tea"

Seems that every day, the "Tea Party" makes the news in some way or another, proof positive that the squeaky wheel does indeed get the grease. Outside of complaining, what do they offer voters? They appeared right after the Republicans suffered a resounding defeat in the 2008 general election. Odd isn't it? They whine and complain about the state of the nation, but always neglect to admit that it was their votes that got us into the mess we're in now. 8 years of "Compassionate Conservatism" had cost millions of people their jobs, livelihoods, their homes, and nearly 3,000 American service men and woman their lives. And they long to get back to work at it, blaming all the country's ills on the current president. Isn't that like blaming the plumber that just unclogged you drain for handing you a bill, when it was you that clogged it up in the first place? The Tea Baggers offer no solutions, just complaints. Come on folks, you lost the election, get over it! If losing is what qualifies you for office, than the Chicago Cubs should hold the House and Senate, and Ernie Banks should be the friggin' President!

Tea Baggers also seem to gravitate to narssistic personalities, such as Sara Pain (oops, a typo....I meant Palin!) This empty headed buffoon offers no answers, mostly because she doesn't understand the questions. She loves to be in front of a camera, and act "folksy". Minnie Pearl was folksy, Gabby Hayes was folksy, Slim Pickens (the real star of "Blazing Saddles") was folksy. Sarah Palin is more like that annoying clown at a Jack in the Box restaraunt drive through, looking stupid, while someone puts words in her mouth! Is this the best the party can do?

Worse yet, there's another Tea Bagger hunting down every camera she can appear before. Christine ODonnell is the East coast version of Palin. No idea what she's doing, serious problems with her accounting for campaign funds, but once again, trying that forced "folksy charm" that Palin made popular. O'Donnell's troubles, besides money; her's and her campaign's, are worse than even Palins, because O'Donnel never met a camera she didn't like. Sometimes, what you do in the past can screw up your future. Recently O'Donnell has gained public scrutiny for some of her recorded clips on masturbation. This has to make the Christian Right a bit squeamish, but worse yet, she is also heard admitting an interest in witchcraft, and other Satanic rituals. This has to be making the Wingnuts crazy! No clean wholesome candidate here, she's a dildo totin', devil worshipin' Tea Baggin' threat to their values. Yee-Haw, ain't this fun!!

When the dust settles, we see that nothing has changed in the Republican Party since the disastrous Ronald Regan regime. Give to the rich, screw the poor, and take all the money you can get. Thanks a lot Douche (er Tea) baggers, but I'll take Hope and Change over Dumb and Dumber any day!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

"Who's Your Deity?"

I was working around the house today, painting the back door, and giving life a lot of thought. Since it was Sunday and all, my mind turned to religion, and to who would be best at being a deity. I settled on two; "The Big Guy Upstairs", and Santa Claus.
To start with, they're both fictional beings, possessing magic powers. I decided to run a comparison of the both of them and see who might win.
First off, they both have the ability to see you at all times (Even when you're sleeping), and know every aspect of your life.
Advantage: Neither.
Second, they both keep lists of who's naughty and nice. Only Santa will still bring you stuff even though you haven't been on your best behavior (and I can personally attest to this!).
Advantage: Santa.
Thirdly, God is everywhere, while Santa hangs at the North Pole 364 days a year. However, Santa has Mrs. Claus around, and she's always dressed in red leather and fur.
Once again, advantage: Santa
And now for the heavy stuff; While both know if you've been good or not, at least Santa cares one way or the other. The big guy claims to care about you, but won't hesitate to throw you in front of a speeding truck just for fun. Just how is that affection? Religious people will say it's just God calling you home..no shit? My mother used to call me home for supper every night, and never once threw me in front of a truck (although I'll bet she did entertain the idea a few times). And what about this business of smiting people? That's not very loving, is it?
Sometimes you get smitten (or is that smote?) and live to tell about it and go on and do the same thing again. I'd have to borrow a phrase from a Great White song (a band famous for their pyrotecnics, rather than their music) and say "Once smitten, twice shy".
And so in the end, we have to give the win to Santa, for being the best deity, and for not whacking people just for fun.
Sorry big guy, but you need to take an anger management course!