Covert Oops

Rumors are rampant on the Internet, concerning all manner of Government subjugation of the people, and establishment of a "New World Order" All these ideas usually make their way to YouTube, where they are presented as "facts". Years ago, people who dreamed up weird things like this were considered to be paranoid, and isolated from the real world. Now thanks to the Internet, they have found fellowship with all the other kooks, loons, and schizoids out there!

We hear talk of the HARRP radio array in Alaska being used for mind control, and also to force an earthquake along the New Madrid fault. Why, would the government do this? The kooks blame "The New World Order" for all of this and more. They fear a takeover is in the offing, and we will all become slaves, or subjugated in some way. Of course this has about the same chance of happening as a rabid unicorn from space eating all your Cheetos, but they believe!

In the interest of debunking this nonsense, I decided to use my Government clearance to get deep inside the issue. What I have found is shocking!
Super secret documents have been passed to me via packages of "Quick He Leaks"tm male undergarments. The Federal has been using male incontinence products innocently stocked on store shelves to pass on information. Microfilm, and computer chips are inserted into the packages by spies, and then the undergarments are purchased by other agents made up to look like older males. I recently purchased several of these packages, disguised as an older male, and obtained the documents from them. Rather than discarding the surrounding product, I have found them great for soaking up oil leaks under my pickup. It took thousands of hours to sift through the information, but I will boil it all down to a few paragraphs.

The H.A.R.R.P. array was not built by the U.S, but by the New World Order. It was designed to communicate with the Massive Orbital Radiation Optimization Network (MORON) satellites orbiting above the US. They are thought to cause widespread unrest, and to have triggered uprisings in Egypt, Libya, and Madison Wisconsin. The front group for all of this is the T.E.A. (Terroristic European Alliance) Party. Long known for their thought control tactics, they have expanded their efforts through the use of chemicals in jet contrails (ICE or Intelligence Cancelling Emollients), while the M.O.R.O.N. network beams down mind altering waves from above. Coincidentally, the satellites use the same frequency as the Fox News Network. The TEA Party works in close contact with the network, in fact supplying them with personnel.

The second prong of this attack on America is the use of automatons that mingle with the general public, repeating their masters words. These automatons, built by the Mackenzie brothers in their labs on the grounds of the Elsinore Brewery in Canada, have already been put in place. The first test of one of their creations actually was elected President! B.U.S.H. (Bureaucratic Unpopular Sub-Human) went on to set the machinery in motion to welcome the next creation. This new automaton was crafted from electronics, bionics, and moose droppings and code named Sarah.This second effort was coined the G.U.M.P. project, or "Government Undermining Mechanical Portrayal"
As the campaign broadens, GUMP and TEA will continue to deceive Americans, and turn them against each other. From secret bunkers in Alaska, they will trigger massive earthquakes in the New Madrid and other fault zones, killing millions.
After triggering the super volcano in Yellowstone, the remaining citizens will be rounded up, and forced into slave labor camps. Only the wealthiest will be protected from the TEA.

There is good news though, the Federal Government has a plan in place to stop this before it gets too far. It's already in effect here and officials are confident that the TEA and GUMP will fail, and that Americans will be once again safe from mind control tactics. The program is called "OBAMA" which is short for "Oh Boy, A Magnificent American". OBAMA will return America to the middle class, and destroy the New World Order. The GUMP eventually is thought to be considering a new reality show, and steps are being taken to keep this from happening.

Let's hear it for the good guys!!