Prescription Conniption!

Years ago, my first job was working at a drug store some distance from my home. My job consisted of stocking shelves, ordering stock, and waiting on customers. There were times when I would assist the pharmacist when he was filling prescriptions. He would read the "'script", find the medicine called for, and then count out the pills and put them in a container. Lastly, he would type up the label on an old typewriter, affix the label to the container, and either call the customer to pick the prescription up, or have me deliver it. In all, the entire process took roughly 5 minutes, from start to finish. These were the days before computers, where everything was done by hand. The store kept a good stock of medicine, and at the time, there were few new treatments available. Everything was tried and true, and was dispensed quickly and efficiently.

Fast forward to 2011. I recently had to obtain a prescription from our local WalMart pharmacy. We have our prescription coverage card on file there, so we usually use them. I handed the "'script" to the clerk, and was told there would be a half hour wait. I thought that wasn't too bad, owing to the fact that is was approaching a weekend, and people needed their medicine before going off traveling or whatever. Seconds before I left the counter, the clerk told me I could "shop until it was time to pick up my medicine". I left, as I really did have a few things to pick up, and returned about 30 minutes later. There were a number of people in line by that time, waiting for their medicines. Nothing seemed to be happening, until an employee came out to check on who was waiting (I swear she had a name tag like "Crayola" or something!). Eventually, I got the medicine and checked out. The entire process had taken closer to 45 minutes. Still, I had obtained what I needed, and was glad to be headed home.

A few days later, I once again had to pick up medicine at WalMart. When I arrived, there was no one waiting, no one ahead of me. I figured that it would be a quick and painless trip. Was I ever wrong! I was told it would be 45 minutes to an hour before my pills would be ready. Once again, I was told I could shop until it was time to pick them up. After 40 minutes, I headed back to the counter, only to be told that the pills weren't ready yet, and I could shop until they were. Was this a joke? If I left the store to shop somewhere else would I be punished? I returned to the bench in front of the pharmacy to wait, while I watched "The People of WalMart" parade by. Finally, after over an hour, my pills were ready to pick up.

As I was sitting there on the hard steel bench, my mind wandered back to the days of old, before computer efficiency, when a single pharmacist could fill multiple prescriptions in short order, and do it correctly to boot! What has happened? Is the world slowing down as we age faster, or has technology thrown a roadblock in the path of progress?

Yes, there seems to be a bit more to filling a prescription these days, but hell it's still just counting pills. How hard can that be? Is it all about serving the customers, or milking them for every last cent? You've got to wonder........!

The Need for ...GREED!

Yet another season of auto racing has begun, and, like the last one, it's not about competition, but about the money. Oddly enough, we have also seen the 100th running of the Indianapolis 500 this year. What is great about this is that the first winner of the race, Ray Haroun is well documented in text and photographs. The quintessential photo of him in his car, the Marmon Wasp, shows a man with an extra ordinary smile. It's part smile, part smirk. Why? Because he won the race, and enjoyed doing so.

Today's sports figures are in it for the money. No thrill of competition, no glory of being the best, it's all about the Benjamins. It's sad to see a competitive sport on any level become just a means of making money. The thrill of victory gives way to the thrill of a six-figure salary. Is this what our forefathers envisioned? What ever happened to competition, just for the sake of competing? Nearly all professional sports have become huge cash-intensive endeavors. The price of tickets to these events has climbed so high that the average fan can't afford to attend.

NASCAR is the poster boy for this trend. For several years now, race attendance has dwindled. Is it perhaps that the ticket prices are too high, or is it the constant barrage of merchandise (all NASCAR branded) that assaults attendees? It seems that the only thing that's important is making money.
For example, the just completed All-Star race was not marketed as a race itself, but as a "Who's going to win the million dollars?" event. Is the cash that important?

Think back to when we were young, and played games for the fun of it. Baseball, football, basketball were not compensated in any way other than the good time you had, and bragging rights You had no lawyer to protest the fact that you weren't chosen to play first base. You just went out there and did it for the fun of it.

That spirit still exists in the thousands of Softball leagues, beer leagues, and other such endeavors. People playing for the fun of it, no huge cash payouts, just fun. Perhaps if professional sports would follow that philosophy, the fans would start to return. Or, have the fans had enough?

The End??

The right wing Christian nutjobs have somehow figured out that Saturday, May 21st is the day the world as we know it, ends. Why a Saturday, and not a Sunday is beyond me. However, they believe that Christ is going to show up on that day, and take only "the good people" off the Earth and into Heaven. Why not on a weekday?

I envision this event like some sort of a dark drama. The background music is the Doors song "The End" J.C. would be dressed in jeans and a white T-shirt, with a pack of Camels rolled up in the sleeve, and one lit cigarette dangling from his lip. He would perhaps be wearing leather chaps, and motorcycle boots to further flesh out this fantasy. His hair styled in a duck tail, beard shaved clean. He walks with a swagger, one hand clutching the motorcycle jacket tossed over his shoulder. Much like Santa Claus, he must go to every home. Also like Santa, he knows if you're naughty or nice! Of course you want to leave something out for his arrival, but I don't think that milk and cookies are going to fill the bill. Perhaps a 6-pack of Becks, and a carton of Camels would be the choice for the devout, while a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and a half eaten bag of generic potato chips, would suffice for those that haven't been so good. After all, if the guy's gonna send you to hell, you sure don't want to waste your good beer on him!

The real dilemma here is that people in other countries don't see this as a valid event. Only American crackpots believe this will happen. Does this mean that if you leave the country on Friday, and come back on Sunday, you skate? How cool would that be?

And how do you determine who's going? Looking back at the "10 Suggestions", nearly all the "devout Christians" are kicked off the bus, for failure to obey them. Republicans, as a rule are such dicks that they wouldn't be invited either. That leaves just a handful of "good" people holding tickets! This hardly seems like J. C.'s trip would be worth the bother. Would the people in other countries laugh at our plight? Would they send foreign aid to us poor slobs? Would the "Big Guy" shaft us like that?

You have to wonder where this idea came from, but then again you have to laugh at all the so-called "Devout" that think they are better than the rest of us. We're all in this world together, and depend on each other to make our way. If anything, the common people who admittedly aren't perfect would be the chosen ones. All you "Holier Than Thou" folks had better stock up on Marshmallows for the afterlife!

The 10 suggestions

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I've seen the future....and I'm scared!

I know I'm always making fun of the Doomsday Believers, the people who think the "New World Order" will take over, and those kooky folks that believe that the Federal government can cause an earthquake with radio waves. I mean, it just sounds wacky to hear these theories based on nothing more than imagination..that is 'till I had a dream....

We had watched the movie "Get Smart" recently, (My favorite TV show when I was younger) and for some reason, i had a dream about the comedy film. While I don't remember much about the dream itself, I do remember seeing "Hymie the Robot" just before I woke up. As I lay there trying to lose the fog that surrounded my poor little mind, I thought to myself Hymie the ANDROID. All of a sudden, my mind became a whirl of activity. The fetid swamp that is my brain started to put together a few facts, and a pattern came out.

It just so happens that Google created an operating system called Android. Google, as you know, has darn near every bit of information in the known universe on it's servers, all of it processable in micro-seconds. Plus, Google has created, and is testing an automobile that is completely driver free, it can make decisions based on information from sensors, and from data from Google. Could the next step possibly be a real life android?

I would imagine a meeting with the latest Google creation would go something like this:

A middle aged woman hurries through a shopping mall, trying to purchase something before work. In her haste, she runs into a handsome looking man, and he catches her just before she falls.

MAN: Hello, I tried to move out of your way, but failed. Are you alright?
WOMAN: Yes I'm fine. I guess I didn't see you there.
MAN: That's quite alright. Allow me to introduce myself, I'm Andy Droid, the latest Google creation.
WOMAN: You're a robot?? Wow, you sure are good looking! My name's Jane,
Jane Smith.
ANDY: (through the magic of his 4G interface, Andy streams information from
the Google servers). I'm pleased to meet you!
Andy: You do look a bit different than your Facebook profile photo.
Jane: How did you happen to see my photo?
Andy: As I said before I'm a Google android, and I have access to all your
information
Jane: Wow, that's amazing! I must admit that I have had some work done
and it has changed my appearance a little. Just minor stuff, really.
Andy: Yes, I'm reading your medical records here, and I see you've had your
nose done, had liposuction on your thighs, and had your boobs enlarged.
Jane: (blushing) What??!!
Andy: (laughing) I see you've also had your butt lifted. By the price they charged
you, they must have had to use some heavy equipment to do it!
Jane: (Turning red) That's a little too much personal information!
Andy: Nonsense! Besides, you'll look great in that little outfit you just ordered
online from Victoria's Secret! Of course, Tyra Banks looked better in it!
Jane: OK, that's enough; Goodbye!
Andy: Nice to meet you Jane Smith. By the way, your husband Frank won't be
home for dinner tonight. His secretary Miss Jenkins just reserved a table
and room for the two of them at the Chez Burger for this evening. You should see what she's
wearing!
Jane storms away in a total rage, while Andy waits for another encounter!

We know that our online life, and any portion of it that's transmitted electronically, isn't safe from the prying eyes of Google.
Now I don't want to sound like a nutjob, but if they can build a car that doesn't need people to do it's thing, how long before they can can create an android, and take over the world???

Think about it!!

Covert Oops

Rumors are rampant on the Internet, concerning all manner of Government subjugation of the people, and establishment of a "New World Order" All these ideas usually make their way to YouTube, where they are presented as "facts". Years ago, people who dreamed up weird things like this were considered to be paranoid, and isolated from the real world. Now thanks to the Internet, they have found fellowship with all the other kooks, loons, and schizoids out there!

We hear talk of the HARRP radio array in Alaska being used for mind control, and also to force an earthquake along the New Madrid fault. Why, would the government do this? The kooks blame "The New World Order" for all of this and more. They fear a takeover is in the offing, and we will all become slaves, or subjugated in some way. Of course this has about the same chance of happening as a rabid unicorn from space eating all your Cheetos, but they believe!

In the interest of debunking this nonsense, I decided to use my Government clearance to get deep inside the issue. What I have found is shocking!
Super secret documents have been passed to me via packages of "Quick He Leaks"tm male undergarments. The Federal has been using male incontinence products innocently stocked on store shelves to pass on information. Microfilm, and computer chips are inserted into the packages by spies, and then the undergarments are purchased by other agents made up to look like older males. I recently purchased several of these packages, disguised as an older male, and obtained the documents from them. Rather than discarding the surrounding product, I have found them great for soaking up oil leaks under my pickup. It took thousands of hours to sift through the information, but I will boil it all down to a few paragraphs.

The H.A.R.R.P. array was not built by the U.S, but by the New World Order. It was designed to communicate with the Massive Orbital Radiation Optimization Network (MORON) satellites orbiting above the US. They are thought to cause widespread unrest, and to have triggered uprisings in Egypt, Libya, and Madison Wisconsin. The front group for all of this is the T.E.A. (Terroristic European Alliance) Party. Long known for their thought control tactics, they have expanded their efforts through the use of chemicals in jet contrails (ICE or Intelligence Cancelling Emollients), while the M.O.R.O.N. network beams down mind altering waves from above. Coincidentally, the satellites use the same frequency as the Fox News Network. The TEA Party works in close contact with the network, in fact supplying them with personnel.

The second prong of this attack on America is the use of automatons that mingle with the general public, repeating their masters words. These automatons, built by the Mackenzie brothers in their labs on the grounds of the Elsinore Brewery in Canada, have already been put in place. The first test of one of their creations actually was elected President! B.U.S.H. (Bureaucratic Unpopular Sub-Human) went on to set the machinery in motion to welcome the next creation. This new automaton was crafted from electronics, bionics, and moose droppings and code named Sarah.This second effort was coined the G.U.M.P. project, or "Government Undermining Mechanical Portrayal"
As the campaign broadens, GUMP and TEA will continue to deceive Americans, and turn them against each other. From secret bunkers in Alaska, they will trigger massive earthquakes in the New Madrid and other fault zones, killing millions.
After triggering the super volcano in Yellowstone, the remaining citizens will be rounded up, and forced into slave labor camps. Only the wealthiest will be protected from the TEA.

There is good news though, the Federal Government has a plan in place to stop this before it gets too far. It's already in effect here and officials are confident that the TEA and GUMP will fail, and that Americans will be once again safe from mind control tactics. The program is called "OBAMA" which is short for "Oh Boy, A Magnificent American". OBAMA will return America to the middle class, and destroy the New World Order. The GUMP eventually is thought to be considering a new reality show, and steps are being taken to keep this from happening.

Let's hear it for the good guys!!

Bowl Me Over

The "Super Bowl", one of the most hyped sporting events ever imagined, takes place tonight. The frenzy has been building for weeks now, first with the playoffs for a chance to play in the game, and then with the hundreds of news reporters filling the city where the game will be held, in this case, Arlington Texas. There are news reports on the teams, and the individual players, and then reports on the commercials that will air during the broadcast, and that folks, is the giveaway. This isn't a football game, it's a cash cow! For example, look at the cost of tickets on the street right now. People wouldn't hesitate to spend $2000 for a single ticket to the big game in a distant city, but would never pay anything close to watch their team play at home. All the hype makes this worth it. I suppose a chance to get drunk in the stands while millions of television viewers look on is just too good to pass up.

But the real hook here is the money to be made. The Super Bowl hasn't always existed. The first game was played in 1967 at the Los Angeles Coliseum featuring the Green Bay Packers and the Kansas City Chiefs. The Packers went on to win it in front of a less than sellout crowd by a score of 35-10. The die was cast for the future! The hype machine went into full production mode, and over the years, has resulted in millions in revenue for the league, advertisers, teams, and players.

But is this really a "Super Bowl"? Are teams from beyond our borders ever considered? Much like the "World Series", only American teams are able to play. This makes the whole idea of the game seem sort of patriotic, and buying the endless stream of products pitched at you during the course of the telecast, seem like your duty. Somehow, you're considered to be some sort of anarchist if you're not sitting there watching the game with a Bud in one hand, and the other hand in a bag of Doritos, while bragging about your new GoDaddy account. It's not about the football, it's about the Benjamins!

NASCAR has the same thing going on, but in reverse. The "Season Opener" is held just after the Super Bowl, at the Daytona International Speedway. The media buzz for this event begins just after the last race of the previous season. All the hype, the endless commercials are there, but with a different formula. Instead of a fan having a home team, attending the games, and being loyal to that team only, NASCAR fans have a driver they follow, and often attend the race at different venues across the country. This way the cash gets spread around to different track owners, vendors, and even different cities. NASCASH oops, I meant NASCAR has used the same formula for the hype, but a different formula to chose the winner. Instead of just winning a game, or in this case a race, they have instituted a points system, where drivers are given points for everything from leading a lap, to leading the most laps, to not soiling themselves after a big wreck. After a nearly full season, the top 12 drivers lose their points, and start over, completing 10 more races to finally chose a winner. It is possible to never win a race, but win the championship! WTF? Is this competition? No, of course not, it's marketing!

In the end, there is always a winner, and the glory that goes with it. A nice Super Bowl ring, or NASCAR trophy are tangible reminders of victory, but to the owners, leagues, and advertisers, it doesn't really matter who wins, it matter who pays! Sad, ain't it?

So who do you like in today's Lingerie Bowl?