Wednesday, January 11, 2012

"Adios, Amigos!"

Lately, it seems that more and more people are struggling to come to grips with the issues that affect each of us.  We face a huge debt run up by our former president Bush (AKA The Texas Twit),  a dieing Postal Service (also thanks to the Texas Twit), and illegal immigration.  With another election year on it's way, we have a number of candidates talking about the issues, but none with a real plan to fix any of these problems.  It's sad to see that someone who aspires to be the leader of the most powerful nation in the free world, hasn't a clue about how to bring it back to it's glory.  

As the only person in the nation with a plan to fix all three, I hereby offer this solution:
First off, we must acknowledge the fact that we have over 12 million illegals here, with more sneaking over the border every day.  

Secondly, our nation is pretty much broke thanks to the Texas Twit invading the wrong country after 9/11.    "Mission Accomplished" my ass!  We have wasted trillions of dollars, and countless lives on this fiasco.

Thirdly, the US Post Office Department was given life in article 10 of the US constitution.   The idea that it must be killed off for the good of the nation flies in the face of reason.  The Postal Service delivers needed communications, while the congress merely sits around and acts like a bunch of children!

I have an idea to right these wrongs, a plan to fix all three in one fell swoop!

First, we notify each and every illegal resident here that we insist that they immigrate legally, or leave the country.  The Postal Service would convey this demand via Registered Mail (postage due, of course).  This would enrich the coffers of our national mail service.

After a short waiting period, the remaining illegal residents would be rounded up, and taken to holding areas.  During this time, giant catapults would be built along the US-Mexican border.  After careful review, I have found that Arizona and California would not be a good state to set up in.  The same goes for New Mexico, as the first illegal aliens from space landed here.  These visitors brought technology unknown in the 1940's resulting in the birth of spray cheese, beer nuts, and Doritos.  We could not minimize their contribution to our culture by putting catapults here.  No, the proper state would be Texas, with the longest border strip.

Now in order to bail out the treasury, the US would enlist the aid of the Las Vegas bookies  A virtual grid would be superimposed on the Mexican side of the border, and live firings would go on day and night.  The illegal would first be given a parachute to ensure a safe landing, and that same 'chute would be made of an edible fabric.  Land and eat, amigo!  Bookies would set odds on where the illegal might land, with the US getting 50% of the profits.  It could become the next national past time, with millions of wagers and the entire nation watching on Pay-Per-View!  
Yet another reason to chose Texas is that with the insane amount of guns in the state, it's always possible that perhaps one of the citizens might shoot an illegal out of the sky, upping the odds for someone who bet on an alternate square square.

So you see, three problems solved at once!  What other candidate thinks this deep, and finds answers?

Adios Pedro, and happy landings!

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