Monday, April 9, 2012

Here's to Tragedy!

The 100th anniversary of the sinking of the RMS Titanic is upon us.  She sailed from Southampton England en route to the United States, carrying 2,224 passengers on her maiden voyage.  Obviously her owners, the White Star Line, didn't know that "RMS" stood for "really might sink"!
On the night of April 15, 1912, she sailed into history by striking an iceberg, tearing a hole in her hull, and sinking.  This opulent testimony to human engineering took with her over 1000 passengers on her trip to the bottom, with only 710 people surviving this tragedy.
At the time, this was thought to be the greatest disaster known to man.  
So why are we celebrating it?
We have traveling Titanic exhibits, Titanic museums, and the whole gruesome wreck has been made into a movie, and in turn, that movie has been made into a 3-D movie!  This terrible loss of human life is being commemorated as a wonderful celebration, and the frenzy is building as we reach the day of the disaster.
Are humans really that jaded?  Must we merchandise the tragedy?  There are Titanic tours, Titanic museums, Titanic dinnerware sets, DVD's, and even copies of things in the movie.  Tragedy sells!

As a service to all the investors out there, I have come up with some new disasters they might want to market, and exploit!

"The Love Canal Experience" would be the first one.  A theme park could be built, and guests could learn of the sickness suffered by the residents of the town due to the dumping of toxins by the Hooker Chemical Company.  Guests could enjoy toxic Slurpees, while they watch their skin develop strange sores, and later, walk through the re-created abandoned town.

"Chernobyl Revisited"  would be a fun trip through a nuclear disaster, where guests wear glow-stick vests, allowing them to glow in the dark, just like the Russian victims!  Later, they visit a petting zoo, where actual wildlife that survived the disaster, are there to be admired.  Those three headed cats are soo cute!

"Pop Goes the Challenger" would be a theme-park comemmorating the Challenger disaster.  
Guests would strap into a re-creation of the space shuttle, and then get blown to bits (via green screen) and rain down on Texas!  What fun!

I've saved the best disaster for last:
"Eight Years of George Bush" would be a theme park where only people with a low enough IQ would be allowed to actually enter.  Other guests would watch through one way glass at the fun going on within!  Then everyone gets to watch the economy sour, and help make the decision to invade the wrong country.  Guests could actually re-create some of the war crimes that Bush was famous for, and order airstrikes  on the not-so-intellegent below.  Then, as a finale, everyone could watch their savings, retirement, hopes, and dreams, get trashed by the Wall Street debacle!  
Folks, this one's a winner!  Price the tickets below $20, and the world will beat a path to our door!  I just hope we have a country left, when the 100 year anniversary rolls around!

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